I kept thinking how much time we spend on formulating for ourselves what we want from a young man (back to our dating time…), and later – from our husband. How he should behave, that we feel that we are loved? So, to be attentive, caring, forgiving our emotions, help around the house, be a friend. Yes, we certainly have a long list. Anyway, I have had a long list myself and still keep working on it (seriously!).
But I wonder whether there is such a list (this time, attention !, not in the head) but in a child? What our kids and adolescents really need in order to feel warm and comfortable with us?
The list of such requirements you can find in the book of Gerald Newmark "How to raise emotionally healthy children." This book really deserves your attention.
Respected – I am treated in a courteous, thoughtful, attentive, and civil manner as an individual, deserving of the same courtesy and consideration of others.
Important – I have value, I am useful, I have power, I am somebody.
Accepted – I am an individual in my own right. I have a right to my own feelings, opinions, ideas, concerns, wants, and needs.
Included – I belong, am a part of things, connected to other people, with a sense of community.
Secure – I am safe and protected. I’m in a positive environment where people care about one another and show it, people express themselves and others listen, differences are accepted and conflicts resolved constructively. There are structures, limits, and consequences.
Read more about emotionally healthy children: