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I see what you can be

An interesting passage from Jean Vanier, founder of the L’Arche communities has captivated my attention. He said: “My experience has shown that when we welcome people from this world of anguish, brokenness and depression, and when they gradually discover that they are wanted and loved as they are and that they have a place, then we witness a real transformation – I would even say “resurrection”. Their tense, angry, fearful, depressed body gradually becomes relaxed, peaceful and trusting. This shows through the expression on the face and through all their flesh. As they discover a sense of belonging, that they are part of the “family”, then the will to live begins to emerge. I do not believe it is of any value to push people into doing things unless this desire to live and to grow has begun to emerge”.

I find it beautiful and very true, but… I would like to add something significant. Something I have learned during my counselling experience from my dear clients. Something I want to promise to everyone who will knock into my door in the future.

It is not enough to show people they are wanted and loved as they are. When people try to see us how we are and not what we can be, our reaction to it is extremely painful. We feel within ourselves a muffled murmur.

Such an evaluation kills our faith, our calling and even our destiny. We find it mistaken, because deep inside we are different – we are better, cleaner, and more descent. The desire of doing good is inside, is present, is ready to be manifested! Maybe nobody sees this desire yet, because we do not have enough energy to express it. But this desire and this longing is the main value of human beings.

We are enormously grateful to those who treated us from this particular position: they had the capacity to see us not only how we are, but what we can be! We became more human because somebody had faith in us and through our imperfection was able to see our great destiny and call.

When you knock into my door, seeking for a help from a counsellor, be sure that I will be this person for you. I will be with you in this hard moment of your life. I will treat you magnanimously and tolerantly. I will do my best to believe in you, to support, and to go alongside.

My biggest desire is to help you to survive, to soar and to become.

p.s. What is this murmur? It’s a deep understanding that we are not living to a certain standard, we are not using our full potential, we are not living right.

# counselling # coaching

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